When Skinny Jeans Attack!

While I was walking to class the other, I saw a girl who looked like her jeans were attacking here. Seriously. They appeared to be cutting into her thighs and hips, and I think they may have been trying to strangle her calves.

Here’s the deal, ladies. There is a difference between “skinny jeans” and “strangle jeans”. When you’re a big girl, skinny jeans are something you MUST approach carefully. Not all big girls can rock the fitted jeans, and if you can’t, then don’t wear them.

Signs that your skinny jeans are too skinny:
1) If they give you a muffin top.
2) If you lose any type of feeling and/or circulation.
3) If you can’t bend your knees.
4) If the material makes any of your jiggle bulge.

Seriously, though, I can’t imagine wearing anything that would make me uncomfortable. Fashion doesn’t have to be painful (we leave that to the skinny bitches).

Also, I feel compelled to add that they make jeans to fit every sort of girl out there. (Pauline did a blog on body types. If you missed it, go read it.) Lane Bryant and Avenue both sell an array of jeans that fit your body type and are reasonably affordable. Several times a year both stores have sales on jeans. Why am I saying this? Because I can not STAND the sight of big girls in cloth shorts and sweat pants. Honestly, I can’t stand the sight of ANY woman in sweat pants in public. I especially hate when bigger girls try to copy that ugly fad skinny bitches seem to love (wearing ironically large sweat pants when they are a size 0). That doesn’t work for us, girls. It just makes us look larger. ESPECIALLY when you wear the sweat pants that have the elastic at the bottom that hugs your ankle. If you must wear sweat pants (and I really wish you wouldn’t), then choose the type that is open ended at the bottom. (the Starter brand offers a line of these).

I admit, I occasionally wear sweat pants. At home. Where no one can see me except for my dogs. Never in public, though.

Another thing you should never wear in public? Cloth shorts. Cloth shorts are made for sleepy time and nothing else. They make me ill for two reasons. 1) They never stay in place. At some point that are going to ride up and you are either going to have to pull them down (ick) or just walk around with what I like to call an “all around wedgie (use your imagination). 2) A person who wears cloth shorts are usually wearing a t-shirt, probably a dirty t-shirt, and therefore they do not looked pulled together.

That’s the whole point of this blog, right? To look better, too feel better, and too deal with life’s big girl haters. You don’t feel good? Don’t feel like dressing up? You’d be surprised how good a messy (think surfer chic) ponytail, fitted jeans, and a nice t-shirt or hoodie looks. And that is low maintenance.

So, here’s the spill: Wear jeans, not sweat pants/cloth shorts. Don’t wear strangle jeans.

And as always, remember: “I’m beautiful, I’m beautiful, I’M BEAUTIFUL, DAMN IT!”
Xoxox
Anda