The Essentials

Anda and I have compiled a detailed list of the basic essentials that every Big Girl has to know. Follow the basics and you are on your way to looking good.

1. If it is too small, give it to charity
- Here are the telltale signs that it is too small:

If you have the window blind effect, which is you pull it down and it comes back up. Most of the time revealing skin that shouldn't be shown.

If your fat roll(s) hang out anywhere.

If it cuts off circulation to anything.

Now let me explain. There is a difference between tight fitting clothes, and clothes that are too small. Tight fitting clothes can work on Big Girls if you have the right body type (more on that in later blogs), but clothes that are too small look terrible on any body type. Basically, leave the skin exposure in the bedroom. Please.

2. Black doesn't always make you look thinner.

There are only two reasons that you should wear an entirely black outfit: either your goth to the extreme or you are going to (God forbid) a funeral.

When you wear black as part of an outfit, you should off set it with another color. And since black goes with any color, except brown, your possibilities are endless.

For a lot of people black pants are a staple, but if you wear those then color it up with anything. Use a color that compliments your skin tone or that goes along with your attitude at the moment. Wearing all black is depressing. When you spice up your wardrobe with color it makes things a lot more exciting when you walk into your closet.

3. Short shorts are a no-no.

This should be common sense for Big Girls.

Short shorts don't work for Big Girls for these reasons:

-We have thighs, and for the majority of us they are not perfectly smooth and toned.

-We got a lot of jiggle. And short shorts don't help the cause at all.

-Cottage cheese should only be seen in the dairy section of your supermarket, not on the way to the dairy section.

Now with that said, shorts are not all bad. When it gets hot I don my shorts nearly every day. But I suggest going with a longer short, such as the Bermuda short which hits just above the knee or at the knee. You could go with a slightly shorter short, say that hits about 3 or 4 inches above the knee, but I would not suggest going any shorter than that.

And remember, when it looks like your not wearing shorts when you have them on, they are TOO SMALL.

4.Muffin tops are not attractive.

To be honest, the only place where muffin tops are acceptable are in that one episode of Seinfeld. On a person, muffin tops are not sexy. When you have a muffin top it means that your pants are too small, and all of the excess fat and skin is being pushed over the top of your pants. It creates a "bad curve". A curve that you don't have to have. And I will be the first to admit that I love my curves, but when you have one of those ugly muffin tops, it does help the cause.

If these are a problem of yours, go up a size in your pants (I know it sucks but honestly you will look so much better when the MF is gone.). And when you buy a new pair of pants TRY THEM ON!

5. Just because your skinny friends can wear it doesn't mean you can.

Remember this when you go shopping.

Ok, so we all have skinny friends, or sisters, or cousins, or co-workers who can wear anything. Big Girls I am here to tell you that we cannot. Halter tops are one of my biggest pet peeves on Big Girls. Just because they come in our sizes doesn't mean that we should wear them, or that it will look good and flatter our bodies. We are who we are. We have curves. If you want to wear what the skinny bitches wear, then you have to be the size that they are. Dress appropriately for your body. You will look better, and you will feel better.

6. If you have a wide foot, buy a wide width shoe.

Shoes can make or break an outfit. When you have a fat roll on your foot because you squeezed your foot into a shoe that is too small it looks Terrible. With a capital "T". It is not good for your foot. It can cause foot problems and back problems. When you buy a properly fitting shoe it makes a world of difference. Wide foot=a wide width shoe. Your feet and back will thank you oh so much.

If you have problems finding a wide width shoe, go online! I suggest zappos.com.

7.Leather pants don't even look good on rock stars!

Ok look, we only liked it when the rock stars wore it because they were famous. Anything that will nearly chafed you instantly is a bad, bad, bad idea. They don't look good. Don't wear them. That is enough said on that subject.

8. Oversized t-shirts and pants don't make you look thin.

Wearing clothes that are too big is silly! Big t-shirts should be reserved for sleeping. It does not make you look thin because you are swimming in your shirt. It makes you look like a clown. Now for the baggy pants. Wearing big pants makes you look bigger. It is also dangerous. You could trip and fall on the excess material. Plain and simple, wearing clothes that fit make you look good.

9. Leggins and skinny jeans.

Leggins and skinny jeans are reserved for those of us who have nice legs. Nice legs are defined as shapely, not one size throughout your leg. If you have tree trunks for legs, skinny jeans and leggins are not advised. Use discretion when wearing these kinds of pants. If they do not look good on you, don't follow the trend and wear them. Flatter your body. If your legs are not one of the best features then don't draw attention to them.

10. Not all prints are created equal.

Prints are a tricky subject. Some are good some are not. And it is sometimes very hard to find one that flatters your body. The main rule to follow is is to not have the print be overbearing. The print cannot be too small or too large . Make sure that you try on whatever print that you like. If it is too small it will make you look huge, if it is too large it will make you look unproportionate. A print can look amazing, you just have to find the right one that makes you look good.

Those are the basic 10 essentials to clothing. But Anda and I have decided that we need to address a few more issues in this first official Big Girl Code blog.

We are moving onto hygiene.

1. Bathing.

Some people have a certain smell about them. B.O. is worse than bad breath. A mint can cure bad breath. But bad body odor is a harder challenge to tackle for some people.

Get some good body wash, and a pouffe. Washing everywhere is also a must. Every nook and cranny.

2. Facial hair on women.

Facial hair is a pain in the ass for every woman. As 21st century women, we have to do it. Get out of the caveman days and pluck and wax your face, girls! Once you get into a routine it's not hard to stick to. Plus, pain releases endorphins into the blood stream. You'll feel better after you get waxed!

3. Hair color.

If you decide to dye your hair some color other than your natural color, you must do the upkeep on it! Dying your hair is a commitment, if you want it to look good. Trust me, I had red hair for 8 years, and I dyed it every single month, professionally. It is not something that you can let go of. Especially if you go with a much lighter color than your natural color. Light hair and dark roots do not mix. Like oil and water, they will never go together.

There you go Big Girls. The very basic essentials.

More to come soon!!

xoxox-Pauline